I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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