i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
