Why are handjobs necessary in class?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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