im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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