he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
