i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
