can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
