he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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