At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
