You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
