Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My balls are so social today.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
