Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Found the puke drawer
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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