Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
