Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
