i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
