dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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