Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
