I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
