We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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