She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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