I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
