we have pet lesbian snakes
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
