ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
