he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
