The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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