it hurts more in the daytime
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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