Need sex. Gaining weight.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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