hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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