the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
