I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
