I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I love you. Go after that dick
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
