How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
