i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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