I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
