Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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