every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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