Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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