I want to have your abortion
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
