I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
