ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
