I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
