K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
