Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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