I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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