I heard we made out
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
