So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
