Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
