thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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