I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
