Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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