I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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