I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
