It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
